My usual laptop's hard drive died, taking the Applesauce scripts with it, but Santa brought me an early Christmas present: The Asus EEE.

I'm sure you've heard about this little marvel: It weighs nothing, boots in a matter of seconds, comes with a full office suite and many Internet applications and -- most importantly of all -- Frozen Bubble, and Microsoft hilariously failed to even attempt to install Vista on it.

What the tech blogs haven't told you is that the Asus EEE will also get you laid.

Seriously, people.

I've been taking this little guy out with me everywhere I go, partly because it really is that light and portable, but mostly because I have 90 pages of script to recreate as soon as possible. My life lately has involved coming home from work, going to the nearest gay bar, ordering a glass of wine and pounding away at the keyboard. Inevitably, a handsome stranger will approach and ask about my new Apple laptop.

"It's not from Apple."

"It's not?"

"It's way sexier than an Apple laptop. Feel how light and compact it is. Stroke its soft, smooth outer shell. Watch its bright, lovely screen as I play Frozen Bubble..."

"Ohhhhh..."

"And that's not even the hottest thing about it."

"Oh really?"

And then I tell him the price, and he would be mine, if only Dex and I rolled that way. Alas, instead I refer the gentleman to the nearest iPhone and continue to work on the scripts.

But the Asus EEE is clearly the laptop of choice for the single gay man. I mean Jesus.